Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
