I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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