Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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