Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You're a waste of cheezeits
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
