guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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