Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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