There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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