so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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