...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.