i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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