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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

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• (408): View more from California

  man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"

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• (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (940): View more from Texas

  I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.

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• (914): View more from New York

  he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

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• (626): View more from California

  It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.

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• (315): View more from New York

  i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy

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  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  For the caroling or the orgy?

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.

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