Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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