dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts