I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk