areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
