Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
