Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
