Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We are two peas in an std pod
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
