I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize