My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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