Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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