Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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