I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
