ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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