i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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