so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
