Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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