ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
