Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
