He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
