the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
