By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
