After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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