Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You ruined the universe
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
