I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
