I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
