I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
