If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
