She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
