Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
