Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
