mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize