He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
