I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
