the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
