I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
