Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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