you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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