Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
