Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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