im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize