No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
