I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
