who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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