you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
