Cold hands, warm shart.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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