My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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