I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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