Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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