I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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