It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
