He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
