I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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