Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dicks are not precious.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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