I've blown a few things in my day
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
