best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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