Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
