maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
