Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
