I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
