dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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