Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
