Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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