how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
