Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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