i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
