Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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