worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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