My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
