who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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