i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize