i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
