shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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